“‎You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” ~ Jan Glidewel

I have a problem.  My family makes fun of me about it.  The problem is that I am always deleting apps on my phone to make room for my pictures - especially pictures of my precious grand babies.  So when I can't access information on a particular app, my family will just roll their eyes because they know why -- pictures that represent memories fill up my electronic memory.

Last week I decided to do something about that problem, and I followed my son's advice to store all of my photos in Google Photos.  It took two full days to do that -- I had 15,312 photos.  No joke.  After I got all of them successfully uploaded, I spent some time browsing through them, which took me back as I re-lived the moments gone by captured in those snapshots. 

It's easy to get lost in memories if we let ourselves.  Lydia Millet wrote, "I have always wished the present to resemble memory: because the present can be flat at times, and bald as a road. But memory is never like that. It makes hills of feeling in collapsed hours, a scene of enclosure made all precious by its frame.” That's true.  We often tend to view the past as "the good old days," failing to remember the difficulties.

I recently talked with someone close to my age about our grown children.  She was very wistful, wishing aloud that her children were still small.  She said she missed those days so much, and would go back to them in a heartbeat.  And while I do miss some of the days gone by and the innocence of my children's childhood, I would not go back.  Instead, in the words of Marty Rubin, I choose to "cherish like a son, a daughter, each irreplaceable moment."  This moment is precious.  Especially when I consider that it is truly the only "moment" I really have.  None of us has the promise of another.

I'm afraid we can get so wrapped up in the past, as we also anticipate and wish for the future, that we fail to fully experience THIS moment.  And I think we tend to do this more as we get older - after all, we have more memories to look back on.  But as I think about the past, my memories, and the feelings stirred within me by perusing those 15,312 pictures last week, I can also see how the past helps to shape the present.

For example, because of the shared experiences over the past 10,900 days we have been married, Jeff and I have a depth of love and understanding for each other today that is made possible only because of that past.  Our past has shaped us and prepared us to fully enjoy and appreciate today.  The same is true with our children, grandchildren, and friends.  The past has built and strengthened bonds.  And for that I am thankful. 

Because of the past, I see the close sibling relationships my kids have with each other today.  And the same is true of my relationship with each one of them.  I thought of all of that last weekend when I snapped this picture... A quiet moment as Becca sat quietly reading her Bible at our new kitchen table in our new house -- a house with few memories for us together, but in that moment I saw hundreds of other snapshots in my mind of that same girl sitting in another house at a different kitchen table.  And the same was true later that evening when we tried out the S'more making capability of the fireplace in our back yard.  It was a first in a way, but in so many other ways it was a continuation of a rich past of similar times that brought us to that moment. 

Kilroy J. Oldster wrote, "If a person realizes that the present moment is all that matters, they will gain an inner stillness and appreciate the beauty and joy of each day."  That's the way I want to live, don't you?  The glorious past brought me to this moment, and for that I'm thankful.  Anything beyond this moment is uncertain.  I would do well to think of that with every encounter I have with those I love, which reminds me of one of my all-time favorite quotes by Og Mandino who said, "...treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward..."  That is what motivates me to always hug my loved ones when we part, and to end every conversation with them by verbally expressing that love.

Yes, memories of the past and hopes for the future have their place.  But this moment - as I sit here in my living room with my little dog Annie completely buried underneath a blanket, knowing that Jeff is currently leading his team at work in a team-building afternoon; Becca is sleeping after working the night shift in the NICU while her Jeff is traveling to an out-of-town lectureship; that Sarah and her babies are enjoying a visit from Mallory, DJ, and Avery while Ryan is heading home from work to join them; and that Caleb is at work, letting his light shine brightly there...  I am thankful for all of those things that are happening in this moment.  And eternally grateful to my Father who blesses me in all of my moments - past, present, and (if He wills) future.