"A child identifies his parents with God, whether or not the adults want that role. Most children see God the way they perceive their earthly fathers." ~Dr. James Dobson

My daddy holding me

Earlier this week I ventured out to the store (armed with hand sanitizer and a mask, of course) to pick up a few necessary items.  After grabbing the household necessities, I perused the greeting cards, picking up some I need for various occasions in June.  Then I hesitantly made my way to the "Father's Day" section.  Honestly, I have dreaded making selections from that group of cards for the past 17 years.  

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy choosing cards for Jeff and my sons-in-law. They are excellent fathers, and I am grateful for the Godly leadership they have so capably provided for the children I love most in this world - my kids and my grandkids.  But I can't help but feel an ache when I see the cards under the heading, "To Dad from Daughter."  My eyes automatically bounce away as I feel that twinge, knowing that I can no longer mail one of those to my daddy.

The importance of fathers cannot be overstated. In my work as a CASA, I've seen what can happen to children when fathers are absent or just not good at being a father. It is devastating, and many of our friends and neighbors in this world deal with the lifelong ramifications of that. As Dr. James Dobson wrote in the quote that I used for the title above, the first glimpse a child gets of God is by the way we are loved by our earthly fathers.  

My daddy wasn't a perfect man. He was sometimes lacking in patience, and there were times he worked too much - both at his job and in his yard. He would've been the first to tell you those things - in fact, the last conversation I ever had with him just a week prior to his death, he said as much. We sat in the swing in his back yard that day, neither of us having any clue that it would be our last conversation in this life because a week later he would be dead. I remember how we talked about my kids (one of his favorite subjects), and the "do-overs" he wished he could've had with my brother and me. 

No, he wasn't perfect, but he tried to be. He lived his life trying to grow each day into the image of Christ. He taught me the value of reading and studying the word of God by his consistent example. He also taught me the value of apology and forgiveness - I remember sitting on the edge of my bed next to him on several occasions as he told me he had been wrong, and he was sorry. Coming from my father, that was powerful.

He loved people, and even though he was an introvert by nature, He invested himself in the lives of others. I have memories of his firm discipline, but I also have vivid memories of him wrestling with my brother and me on the living room floor. I will always treasure the memories of going fishing with him, making our daddy/daughter Girl Scout cake together each year (which I baked and he designed the shape and decorations), walks together in the woods, and standing on a stool looking through his handmade telescope, as he told me about the stars and constellations. I remember the one and only time he attempted to fix my hair on the first day of third grade - my mother was in the hospital, so Daddy had to be "mom" for the morning.  He and I were both glad when she returned to her normal duties.

I recall his complete lack of cooking skills, like the time he tried to cook a frozen pizza for the two of us, but put it in the oven upside down - as it began to cook, the toppings fell off and made a burnt mess in the bottom of the oven. I remember sitting in the back yard swing with him where he taught me how to play his harmonica, which I still have today (both the harmonica and the swing). I remember him helping me set up my first checking account and going shopping with me for my first car, teaching me how to check the oil and change a tire, and I remember standing in the back of our wedding venue, taking his arm, and hearing him say, "It's not too late to back out." 

I also remember the times he was away from home because he was seeing to the needs of someone else - either a family member or friend, or later on as an elder of the church. I remember how every Friday morning after he retired, my phone would ring, and it would be him on the other end - he always began those conversations by asking, "What's going on over there?" quickly followed by, "How are the little shavers?" I remember sitting in his Bible classes as I got older, always impressed with his knowledge of and respect for God's word, and his deep love for our Heavenly Father. The best compliment I ever receive is when people who knew him tell me, "You remind me of your dad."

Joseph Addison wrote, “Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives, there is desire; to our sons, ambition, but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express.” I felt that from my daddy. I was blessed. 

He's been gone for the past 17 Father's Days. Most of the time when I think of him now, I do so with smiles, happy memories, and thanksgiving. Time is a wonderful healer in that way. But this week, seeing those cards, I felt a tear run down my cheek beneath my mask. When he left this earth so unexpectedly, my girls had just turned 13 and Caleb was 10. I thought of all that's happened over the past 17 years, and all of the people we've added to his family - he would be so proud of my children, the life choices they have made, and he would've been the best Great-Papa ever. 

But when my thoughts turn sad and wistful, I remember that I had a daddy who loved God and loved me. For 38 years I was blessed to learn from him and be loved by him. He showed me the love of my Heavenly Father. That is the best gift any man can give his child. And that brings me such joy and thanksgiving. It also gives me added respect and appreciation for the men I know who work so hard to be good examples for their children - and I know a lot of them! So, Happy Father's Day to all of the great dads out there.  You are important, valued, and appreciated! Keep pointing your children to their Heavenly Father, and they will be blessed eternally - you can have no greater legacy.

"Others may have wealth untold - mansions, diamonds, rubies and gold. But richer than I they will never be . . . I had a daddy who spent time with me." ~D. Morgan