I first noticed this dinner-time dilemma in August 2009. Back then, I would take five plates out, because since 1993 that is what I had consistently done - - and then I would have to put two back. Gradually, I became accustomed to setting a table for three. Occasionally, I would joyfully take out five plates again, and smile when I didn't have to re-shelve two - I could set all five places at the table. But it was always short-lived - - my plate count would soon go back to three.
In August 2011, it happened again. As I set the table for our evening meal, I would instinctively pull three plates out before realizing that I only needed two. I adjusted, and two plates became the norm. And once again, it would delight me when I could pull out all five plates and set them on the table . . . but without fail, it always went back to two.
Holidays and summer time brought all five plates back out, and then in June 2013, that number grew by one - now it is six plates around our table that give me the greatest joy. And for a week over this past Christmas break, every morning and evening I set those six plates at a table in Colorado with a thankful heart. But, the week ended, and my plate count went back to four . . . and then three. I am actually accustomed to three. Becca has been home since August, so three has become "normal." But now we are back to two.
From the time our children were old enough to eat at the table, we determined that we would eat dinner each evening all together, and as much as possible, breakfast as well. Breakfast was usually quiet, but not dinner. Our evening meals quickly became the focal point of our days. Our kitchen table was where we shared - not only a meal, but the events of our days, our thoughts, our plans, our struggles, as well as jokes and laughter. Lots of laughter. There was no TV, no cell phones, and we even had a rule that the home phone went unanswered if it rang during those evening meals. Our focus was solely on each other.
Personalities emerged early on - a young Sarah would often appear as I prepared the meal to help and to learn. As we sat down to eat, Becca would usually ask, "Is anyone else cold?," and Caleb... well, if you know Caleb, you know that he always kept everyone laughing. He still does.
Occasionally, we would be missing one or two, but those meal gatherings were important enough that we didn't miss many all together. Sometimes that meant eating at 5:00 before someone had to leave to catch the band bus, or other times it meant putting it off until much later as we waited for someone to return from work or a school event. But it was worth it.
A 2011 study by Cornell University showed that your child may be 35% less likely to engage in disordered eating, 24% more likely to eat healthier foods and 12% less likely to be overweight if you share in family meals on a regular basis. The Journal of Adolescent Health did a similar study in 2012, adding that, "More frequent family dinners are related to fewer emotional and behavioral problems, greater emotional well-being, more trusting and helpful behaviors towards others and higher life satisfaction." Why? It's not about the meal - it's about the relationships at the table.
Two plates. As I set those this evening, I admittedly will feel a little wistful. I will be thinking about the two plates being set at a dinner table in Houston, while one each is set in College Station and Nacogdoches. I will look forward to having all six of those plates back at our table sometime soon. But more than the wistfulness, I will be thankful for several things... Thankful for the two plates I set here, and the sharing that will occur between my husband and me; and thankful for relationships we sustain with the four other "plates," and the love that will bring them back again.
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"Eating is so intimate... When you invite someone to sit at your table and you want to cook for them, you're inviting a person into your life." ~Maya Angelou
